≡ Menu

Use Communication to Save Your Marriage

Communication plays an extremely important role within a marriage. The main reason
that a marriage starts to fall apart is because there is a breakdown in the communication
between the couple.

Openness and honesty is vital to get your needs and the needs of
your spouse met. By shutting your spouse out of oneís life by refusing to talk or to listen
to them, a marriage is placed on a course of almost definite destruction.

Among other things, communication is about sharing your thoughts and feelings with one
another and listening and spending time thinking about what was said in order to resolve
any issues. A couple needs open communication in order to be able to share their
thoughts and feelings.

Bottled up emotions usually leads to resentment, arguments, and
problems when the emotions are inevitably released. Good open communication depends
on stating your issue in a calm and respectful manner. By sharing what is in your heart
with your spouse, you can achieve a greater and deeper intimacy.

Use the words ‘I think’ rather then ‘I feel’ in a sentence. This way you have expressed a thought and not a
feeling. Or, when addressing a personís behavior use the sentence ìWhen you [fill in the
issue here] it makes me feelÖî. This is a great way to get your partner to fully
understand your emotions and reactions.

When on the receiving end of the issue at hand, remember to take the time to listen to
your partner. Merely hearing what the person is saying and listening are two different
things.

To fully understand what the other person is saying, you need to let your partner
say everything he or she has to say, and then react to them in an equally calm and
respectful manner. Remember not to reject your spouseís feelings by saying things like
‘Don’t worry, be happy’ or ‘You shouldn’t feel that way.’ Rejecting a feeling is rejecting
the person feeling it.

The key to staying calm and respectful after hearing your partners issue with your
behavior is to not react at the time you hear the complaint. Take time to think about their
feelings, your feelings, and how the issue has affected you, your spouse and your
marriage.

When you react first without stopping to think, you are reacting with your
feelings rather then your thoughts. Shouting and screaming to resolve a problem will not
help and they will not make your spouse understand your feelings any better.

The most important thing is finding a solution to resolve the problem. Nothing is
achieved by hoping the problem will just disappear or focusing on the point that there
may not be a solution to your problem. There is always a solution to every problem but,
the solution usually depends on behavior modification on both of your parts.

Changing the way you communicate is definitely effective when it comes to saving your
marriage. Although it might be hard at first, it is better than resorting to divorce when the
relationship turns bad.